Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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