Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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