Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
