What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
