youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
