ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
did i just pee glitter
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
