bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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