Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
