just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
