why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
