im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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