my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
