He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Your mouth is God's brothel.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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