This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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