You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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