FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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