shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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