once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
