She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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