just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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