We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
