we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
