you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
