My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
