Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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