I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
