Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
