ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
