Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
