I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
