just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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