My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
