Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
