she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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