My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
