my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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