she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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