areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
