Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
