I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
