I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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