Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
