Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
