my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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