dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
