tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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