I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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