remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
