I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
