Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
