Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Who wears a wallet chain?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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